I'm Matt Champagne. Watch me type things at you.
AN OPEN LETTER TO THAT WOMAN ON FACEBOOK
Well done, lady. Not many people can do it. What with all the Facebook “friends” you gotta deal with and how no one has any privacy anymore and the invasiveness of social networking nowadays, it’s a wonder you pulled it off. I would love to know your secret, though I doubt you’ll share it. You’ve somehow maintained an on-line presence without divulging the more personal aspects of your life and that, in this day and age, is more than admirable. You keep your information on a short leash and that takes care, discipline, and vigilance. Congratulations.
But just between you and me, lady, seriously: How did you seamlessly go from having that husband to not having that husband? Because he disappeared completely from your Facebook page without a sound.
It’s like: Where’d he go? We’ve all known you to be a married damn woman on Facebook. Your status was not only “Married to Captain Hero Jock Fuck,” but all your pictures were soaked in wedding and marriage. Shots of you two on horseback, on trips, camping, eating, hanging out, getting drunk, sleeping, playing with your dog, playing with someone else’s dog, playing with any dog, playing with some kid who didn’t belong to you. But now, I see your name, your status, and a lot of your pictures have changed. And I’m not marveling at the change itself, but rather how you made the stealthy transition so quietly because there was never any visible disruption. I see no comments from friends about it either. Did you just spend three days playing goalie? Just deleting everyone’s inquiries? How’d you do that? Sleepless nights of sitting at your computer knocking away all of those: “What happeneds?” and “I hope you’re okays” and “Let’s talks”? That must’ve been exhausting. Did you call everybody and go: “Look, this is what’s going on. Don’t say shit to me on the computer. Tell me now if ya wanna.”
Anyway, look, the point is: You finessed the hell out of this difficult switch and you did it well and most people didn’t even notice. But I did. I definitely did. In fact, if you ever need someone to talk to…
I remain
Champagne
