Remain Champagne

13th July 2011

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DISGUSTING

Hey, yeah, Happy Bastille Day tomorrow and shit.  It’s French and stuff.  When your last name’s Champagne you gotta kinda remember how French your name is and stuff.  What happened on Bastille Day?  Some kind of storming or something.  I don’t know.  Doesn’t matter.  Here’s the thing: the 405’s gettin’ closed down Friday at midnight and I gotta be in Santa Monica Friday at like 4:15 for an audition for a commercial I’m not gonna get.  I have to say a bunch of words really fast, like an auctioneer and I’m gonna sit in traffic on the way out there and then on the way back after stinking up the room and I guess I’ll take side streets, right?  Seriously though, I have this huge speech I gotta do and I have to say it really fast, like super really fast and I’m sure as I go on to not get it I’ll be watching TV at my parents’ house and I’ll see the spot and the guy they hired instead of me and he won’t be talking fast at all.  It’s been so long since I’ve booked anything and I need the work so bad right now that you know what I’ve been doing?  I’m ashamed of it, but this is what I’ve been doing: I’ve been preparing for my commercial auditions.  Oh yeah.  It’s gotten to that point.  I get the stuff, look at it and actually get it ready.  Disgusting.  Like it’s important or something.  It is important, but I used to not prepare for this stupid shit.  Now I do though.  I have to.  Did it a few weeks ago and it almost worked.  Almost got that job.

The next time you ask me “What’s up, Matt?”, know this: I walk through the hills above Griffith Park memorizing commercial copy so I don’t have to get a real job.  That’s what’s been up.


I remain

Champagne