I'm Matt Champagne. Watch me type things at you.
AN OPEN LETTER TO THAT GUY WHO UNFOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER
Just couldn’t take it, huh? Just couldn’t handle my reality, could ya? I threw down some brash real shit into your world, and you folded, didn’t you? I make one honest, salient, true observation about a bowling alley I went to, and that was just too much for ya, huh? I tweet this:
“You know you’re in a real bowling alley when you hear someone say: ‘I had my daughter when I was eighteen. AND I was unemployed.”
and you responded to me with this:
“Suck a fuck Donney.”
And then you unfollowed me.
I don’t know who Donney is, unless Donney in this case is being used like Jack in “Slip out the back, Jack.” But at least that rhymes. Which, if that’s what you were going for, shouldn’t you have said: “Suck a fuck, Chuck”? Maybe you’re from somewhere where Donney is a derogatory term, like, I don’t know, Montana? Maybe Donney gets used like Jack-wad or butthead or something. I don’t know. We all have our lines though, and it looks like I crossed yours. Right around the 4th of July, people get patriotic about stuff, and it looks like you chose bowling alleys and their employees to get excited about. “You can make fun of Palin and Bachmann and all our great wars we’re fighting right now, but don’t you dare go after our bowling alleys! Them’s God’s country!”
What is it? Did you have a daughter at eighteen? You seem like you’re younger than eighteen. “Suck a fuck Donney” suggests somewhere in the neighborhood of thirteen. So you must’ve had your daughter at twelve then? When did you have your daughter? Were you unemployed when you had her? How’s she doin’ now? Where is she? Seriously, man, where’s your daughter? I know you’re only in the seventh grade and help out at the bowling alley on Saturdays and Fridays after school, but here’s what I think: as young as your daughter is, she would never type “Suck a fuck Donney” to anyone.
I remain
Champagne
