Remain Champagne

2nd July 2011

Post with 3 notes

I’D RATHER LOOK CREEPY THAN INTO MY PHONE.

Just randomly came across this:

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Have You Ever

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?

But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

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Sure.  I’ve done that.  Some of that.  More annoyingly I’ll leave home to run one specific errand, to just take that one thing I needed to take somewhere, and forget it at home.  But when I realize my mistake, I feel absolutely no need to make it look like anything other than what it is.  I yell: “Fuck!” and go back home to get that one stupid thing because I just made a thoughtless, dumb mistake and I’m going to own it.  But the walking the wrong way from where you wanna go thing: Very often if there’s someone near-by, I’ll take that opportunity to explain exactly what happened to them.  “Hey.  You ever do that?  Mean to walk one way and then find yourself going—for no reason—in a complete opposite way?  That’s what I was doing.  I meant to go this way.  Not this way.  And I don’t want you or anyone else to feel that I meant to do that.  I totally forgot what I had intended on doing and I am owning it right now, and you should know that.”  When I trip on an uneven crack in the sidewalk and almost hit the ground, I don’t look back at what I tripped on.  I know what I tripped on.  I freeze.  I sigh.  I stand back up straight.  And start walking again.  If there are witnesses, I’ll make eye contact with one of them and say: “Hey, what’s up?  How ya doin’?”

If you’re alone in public, the first thing you wanna do is take your stupid phone out because you can’t handle the do-nothingness of just sitting there.  I fight those urges with everything I got.  And if I find myself gazing at my phone when I don’t really need to, the ugly fact that I’ve surrendered to that childish urge makes me put it right away again.  Hell, I take it as a challenge to sit by myself in public without taking out my phone.  My posture improves.  I’m looking around.  I even start to smile.  I’d rather look creepy than look into my phone.  You should try it.  You’ll stand out.  “Hey, look at that guy not looking into his phone.  What’s his problem?”


I remain

Champagne