Remain Champagne

(Timmy is a young bear cub. Barry is a pelican. Timmy is rummaging around inside Barry’s mouth, struggling to find something they both need.)

TIMMY: Is there anyone watching right now?

BARRY: I on’t eet oh.

TIMMY: ‘Cause we look stupid.

BARRY: Uh urry uh.

TIMMY: You do this to me every time, man. You can’t remember where you put the shit you need then I gotta help you find it. You gotta get organized.

BARRY: I orry.

TIMMY: You have, like, no system. It’s just a bunch of stuff in here. I don’t know if I can find it. Customs must be a bitch for you. Is that why you don’t travel anymore?

BARRY: I on’t oh.

TIMMY (Rummaging): Hold still. Oh, your passport’s expired. That’s why you don’t travel. Well, that’s smart. What else ya got in here? Fish ‘n Stuff Magazine. “10 Steps to a Sexier Cod.” Oh, I never saw this one. Can I borrow it?

BARRY: Ayuh.

TIMMY (Puts magazine aside, goes back in): You know you got an eggbeater in here? What the hell, man? You got…let’s see…an extension chord, pencil sharpener, pair of sneakers, a fork. What’re you, homeless? Your mom kick you out finally?

BARRY: Uh-uh.

TIMMY: You’re like the one shark in Jaws they think is the main shark so they cut it open and they find that shoe and all those fish heads and that license plate and—Hey! (Pulls a license plate out of Barry’s mouth) A license plate! You don’t wanna get pulled over with one of these!

BARRY: Cuh mah.

TIMMY: I don’t know, man. I’m not seein’ it. You sure it’s in here? You sure you didn’t put it in storage? What am I saying? This is your storage. Wait a minute! (Finds it.) Ah ha! I got it! (Pulls out a .357 Magnum.)

BARRY (Finally closes mouth): Cool. Let’s go.

(The two happily scamper off.)

***

I remain

Champagne

“YOU SURE IT’S IN HERE?”