I'm Matt Champagne. Watch me type things at you.
THREE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FOUR DOLLARS AND NINETEEN CENTS
Ever get a letter from a payroll department saying: “Hey, uh, we paid you too much money two months ago so now you owe us three hundred and forty-four dollars and nineteen cents”? I have! I did! Yesterday. And they said: “You can either pay us this yourself, or we can deduct it from anything else we’re going to pay you in the future. You know, the future? That time ahead of you where you’ll still be alive and dependent on us for most of your money? Yeah. Then. We’ll deduct it then.”
Here’s something I think about a lot: I wonder how much money I’ve been cheated out of. Like, over my whole career, I wonder how much money I was supposed to get paid that I didn’t get paid. It gives you an extremely false sense of martyrdom to think that you’ve been snookered when, really, you probably weren’t. But what if it were true. What if there was all this money I was supposed to get that I didn’t. It’d give me something to do. I trust a lot of people to do their jobs and pay me everything that I’m owed, and if there’s been an error in calculating what I’m supposed to get paid, how the hell would I ever know? I could run an audit, sure. But it would take way more time for me to conclude that they owed me money than it it took for them to conclude they I owed them money. One reaction I’ve had after getting audited myself by the I.R.S. twice now is to say: “You know what? I’m gonna audit someone now! See how they like it.” Point is: If there’s an error at my expense, I never hear about it. If there’s an error at their expense, I definitely hear about it. According to this letter, I owe them money.
Just paid off my car. No more payments on that baby. She’s mine. Worn out floor pads, driver-side dent, passenger side scratch and all. She is mine!
My rent went up.
I once got a check for two cents.
I remain
Champagne
