Remain Champagne

3rd July 2012

Post with 2 notes

FAKE HUSBAND

This is a fake wedding ring I wore for a Progressive Insurance ™ commercial I shot back in February.  I play husbands a lot and have had many fake wives and, of course, fake wedding rings.  The day I shot this spot was also the day I had my last audition from my theatrical agency before they would drop me a month later.  I asked the commercial people, after I knew I was done: “Is there anyway I could take off to make this other audition I got?”  It was for a pilot too so I was rushed when I got out of there and forgot to give them back their fake wedding ring.  I drove all over L.A. wearing a wedding ring.  Never been hit on so much in my life.  (I didn’t get hit on at all.)

My fingers are long, bony and narrow and rings don’t fit well, so they always put tape on them so they won’t fall off.  Rings look terrible on my skinny wizard fingers.  I used to like rings when I was a kid because I’d pretend they gave me super powers.  Like Hercules.  Remember Hercules?  Probably not.  That ring he’d take out of his belt and then put on and then raise high above his head and then yell: “OLYMPIAAAAAA!” for some reason and then he’d do something heroic-ish.  I used to love that shit.  Anyway, I don’t like rings or bracelets or necklaces or anything like that now.  Though I do have a watch.  Non-digital.  Makes me add.

But I kept this ring I forgot to give back.  With the now-brown/grey piece of tape I never took off.  I keep it on my desk.  This woman was coming over one night and before she arrived I saw it sitting there.  And I hid it, this fake wedding ring, this obviously fake wedding ring.  I didn’t have the courage to just leave it out, take the chance of her seeing it, and tell her the truth.  “I shot a commercial last month and played a husband and forgot to give the ring back.”  Listen to how lame that sounds.  Would you believe that?  Truth sounding like a lie is a sad thing.  So I hid it.  Even though, look at that tape!  Does that look like a real wedding ring?  If she had seen that ring sitting there and even after hearing my true though unlikely-sounding explanation for it, and still honestly thought that I was a married guy, I would’ve done two things.  First, I would’ve been flattered.  Then I would’ve said: “Look at this apartment.  Do I seriously look married to you?”


I remain

Champagne