Remain Champagne

2nd May 2012

Post with 1 note

“YOUR REVIEW OF THAT REVIEW OF THAT REVIEW OF “GIRLS” WAS AWESOME!”

Hey, you guys!  I finally got a chance to check out the premiere of the negative blog reviews for the new HBO series Girls.  Well, shucks!  Don’t mind if I do weigh in!  Here’s just a brief run-down of some of this first season’s crispier blogisodes about Girls!  (SPOILER ALERT: People didn’t like it!)

SnarkyPants101 who writes for Yakker, said this:

Lena Dunham’s character Hannah has all the poise of a prostrate platypus on sabbatical!  Next!”

Way to stick to your guns, Snarky!  You decided on the letter P and committed to it!  You thought: “I will not give up until I arrive at three pejorative (hey, that’s a P word too!) words that all start with P to describe what I hate about the main actress on this show, and I’ll use my thesaurus if I have to!”  It’s that kind of passion I’m looking for in a negative TV blogger!  I can’t wait to see what you’ll hate…next!  (Get it?  You said “Next!” in your blog and then I just referred back to it in mine!  See, I wanna not get paid to hate TV too!  Oh wait!  I’m already doing that!  Kinda!  Never mind!)

PeeOnTwee672, at the always challenging ShitSpring, dropped these sweet little nothings about HBO’s new show:

“If I ran into any of the girls on Girls in real life, I’d probably run screaming the other way!”

Really, Pee?  If I ran into any of the girls on Girls in real life, I’d probably say: “Hey!  What’s it like to be a series regular on a TV show?”  Also, thanks for using the phrase “girls on Girls.”  Because now I have a boner.  Or, as they might say on Girls, an “erec-sh.”

Super Assanova471, who blogs for the painstakingly critical BrainSpork, took the show to task for something quite specific:

“Oh thank God!  Mumblecore on HBO!  What a delight!  (Can you tell I’m being sarcastic?)” 

I can now, Assanova!  I love it when you young scamps start droppin’ terms I not only don’t know but also don’t ever in a million years need to know!  I don’t know what Mumblecore is and I don’t wanna know.  I’ve decided what it is.  It’s the unofficial fifth house of Hogwarts.  Right?  Mumblecore’s wizards are known for low-budget stammering, low-energy whining and an aggressively precious low-impact admiration for ironic racism.  More evil than Slytherin.  Am I right?  (Don’t answer!)

ThroneBone73, typing from the inner sanctum of DoucheNuzzle, had this to say about the four lead actresses on Girls:

“So deez bitches be all related to famous peeple and shit.  Who give fuck bout them.  PEEEECE!”

You got me there, Bone.  Who indeed do give fuck bout them?

(By the way: Me?  Never seen Girls.)


I remain

Champagne